THE MEMOIRS OF LOVE
THE MEMOIRS OF LOVE
AN UNFINISHED LOVE STORY
She was right.It was all over,but I wonder when did it ever start,but yes the cadaverous remains of that onerous friendship had been buried that day. But even then,sometimes the past haunted me so much that it didn't let me breathe.There was this immense hatred I had developed for myself that sometimes grabbed my fragile being in its chokehold.
You were someone I admired and prayed for and wanted to meet. And only if you were to ever know about my dreadful past I know it would never manage to create a positive impression about me. Maybe we were destined to be acquaintances. Why question God's verdict?
She returned with a tray overladen with food. She knew I had a full stomach but even then she wanted me to gorge on more food.She knew Paneer salsa and namkeen wrap was my favourite. And I could see its presence on the tray.
"Hey girl,Are you still into something?" She enquired
"Ney." I replied.
"Then why this sad expression? "She asked
"Na,nothing at all."I assured.
"You know I can read your mind very well. "She said.
"Yes I know." I replied.
"Then tell me,What's haunting you?" She questioned me like a policeman interrogating a criminal.
"Should I talk to Roshan?" I asked with a bedazzled expression.
The many question marks inside my head were making their presence felt on my face.My face was beautified by a muddled expression. There were many things that were meddling up my mind and making it difficult for me to think.
"Yes, You must." She replied.
"But,What if?"I replied eating up my sentence.
"No what if's.You believe so much in the God. And you still have doubts about things." She replied.
She continued to ask.
"How is he? I mean I hope he is the same innocent sweet looking boy you knew nine years ago?"
She enquired.
"Yes,he looks cute and he seems to be intelligent and kind. After all,he is deeply rooted to the values his dad gave him". I replied.
"You seem to be greatly inspired by his dad." She asked.
"Yes,He was a great man and everyone in temple greatly respected him.My dad told me that he fought his illness till the end and made his family strong enough to handle his loss." I told her.
I continued.
"Only if he was there with Roshan today,life would have been very different for him." I said.
I remembered him as a man of great perseverance with a deep knowledge of the scriptures. He was the Sunday School teacher of Class tenth and I had heard his students always won accolades at Competitive examinations.
"So will you reply to his scrap?" She enquired.
"I think I would." I answered in a confused tone.
When someone spoke of you,my mind was confounded with bemusement. I think I was trying to be over friendly with you and maybe this could have created a negative impression in your mind.
I didn't know what to do?
"So where are we going?" I enquired. She was busy gobbling up the food. I think she had skipped her lunch.Poor thing,I sympathized with her busy schedule.
"I think we must first check out Gurgaon." She said.
Yeah,I agree.They have some awesome designers." I replied.
I didn't want to disturb her while she was busy killing her hunger.I looked at my poem,bemused at my poetic skills.
I had already started missing you. And I didn't know why.
You were someone I admired and prayed for and wanted to meet. And only if you were to ever know about my dreadful past I know it would never manage to create a positive impression about me. Maybe we were destined to be acquaintances. Why question God's verdict?
She returned with a tray overladen with food. She knew I had a full stomach but even then she wanted me to gorge on more food.She knew Paneer salsa and namkeen wrap was my favourite. And I could see its presence on the tray.
"Hey girl,Are you still into something?" She enquired
"Ney." I replied.
"Then why this sad expression? "She asked
"Na,nothing at all."I assured.
"You know I can read your mind very well. "She said.
"Yes I know." I replied.
"Then tell me,What's haunting you?" She questioned me like a policeman interrogating a criminal.
"Should I talk to Roshan?" I asked with a bedazzled expression.
The many question marks inside my head were making their presence felt on my face.My face was beautified by a muddled expression. There were many things that were meddling up my mind and making it difficult for me to think.
"Yes, You must." She replied.
"But,What if?"I replied eating up my sentence.
"No what if's.You believe so much in the God. And you still have doubts about things." She replied.
She continued to ask.
"How is he? I mean I hope he is the same innocent sweet looking boy you knew nine years ago?"
She enquired.
"Yes,he looks cute and he seems to be intelligent and kind. After all,he is deeply rooted to the values his dad gave him". I replied.
"You seem to be greatly inspired by his dad." She asked.
"Yes,He was a great man and everyone in temple greatly respected him.My dad told me that he fought his illness till the end and made his family strong enough to handle his loss." I told her.
I continued.
"Only if he was there with Roshan today,life would have been very different for him." I said.
I remembered him as a man of great perseverance with a deep knowledge of the scriptures. He was the Sunday School teacher of Class tenth and I had heard his students always won accolades at Competitive examinations.
"So will you reply to his scrap?" She enquired.
"I think I would." I answered in a confused tone.
When someone spoke of you,my mind was confounded with bemusement. I think I was trying to be over friendly with you and maybe this could have created a negative impression in your mind.
I didn't know what to do?
"So where are we going?" I enquired. She was busy gobbling up the food. I think she had skipped her lunch.Poor thing,I sympathized with her busy schedule.
"I think we must first check out Gurgaon." She said.
Yeah,I agree.They have some awesome designers." I replied.
I didn't want to disturb her while she was busy killing her hunger.I looked at my poem,bemused at my poetic skills.
I had already started missing you. And I didn't know why.
LABELS: CHAPTER THREE
TUESDAY, JANUARY 6, 2009
The poem was one of a kind. I had never imagined that the first poem I would write will be a Haiku,for the fact that writing a haiku was not as easy as writing free verse poetry and moreover I couldn't count the syllables without a syllable counter.
Tools like the syllable counters are God's blessing for people like me who have a hardcore passion to write.The other tools I use are the online dictionary and the rhyming dictionary,and let me be honest here, these tools have made my life heavenly.
I saw her rushing towards me like a hysterical soul who might have had a rendezvous with a spooky spectator but due to her late arrival I did not bother to look at her. I looked at her from one corner of my eye in ruthless anger and kept counting the syllables of my first haiku over and over again,though I was unsure about the magical number of 27.
She reached my table without any delay and gave me a friendly pat on my back.
"I am sorry babe,I apologise" She said in an apologetic manner
"It's ok.I know you quite well. I have got used to this habit of yours.Hoping you get over it before marriage." I replied
" Surely I will" She assured and laughed out loud
"Well I am serious and what about your shopping plan? I won't go as far as Gurgaon for sure" I told her
"I know.We will check out Delhi today,South Delhi I mean." She said
The obvious question had to come up after this.
"What did he say?" She asked in an excitedly
"Nothing much,He doesn't remember me.I am his acquaintance now,thankfully by God's grace." I said with a disgruntled expression on my face.
"Don't you worry. He will like you when he meets you" She assured
"I don't expect all that to happen.It's too much to expect from anyone.And especially after the Big incident I don't think I will take it forward" I said with a tinge of pessimism
"Crazy girl,You haven't got over it yet. My little angel,it's over.He's not there in your life anymore" She assured
"I know that.But you know because of incidents like these I feel tarnished.I don't know what will Roshan think of me?"I said
"He won't think about you in a derogatory manner. You can tell him everything after you become real good friends"She replied
" I don't know about anything.The distance is too much. I wish we can get over it and meet as good friends someday.I don't know about love"I said
" You don't know about love? Please be positive.It will come out in your favour"She replied
"I want to meet him once,that's it for now. My liking for him,I should rather keep my mouth shut. He has gone through a lot in life,and I can't burden him with my stupid expectations"I said
"Take it easy.Please.You are going overboard.Let God work it out for you.I will order something for myself.You are full I guess."
She said and walked towards the counter
"Yup,Had enough" I replied
She walked past the confusing maze of tables and chairs and the many people stationed on them struggling with their food,to the other side of the restaurant,to the main counter.
My mind was lost in a plethora of feelings ambiguous but comely. I wished to see you,hear you once and watch you smile,maybe touch you and tell you that I could have loved you if only you ever wanted it. And for that one beatified moment wrapped in blessedness I could have waited for a hundred years with no regrets or complaints.
But yes,I had this rueful regret.Only if I never had those hurtful experiences in the past,I could have stood up in front of you with love as" innocent as that of a child". He had truly done enough damage to my soul,tearing it into shreds. But I was glad,God had punished him the way it had to be,unrelenting to the highest degree.
LABELS: CHAPTER THREE
THURSDAY, DECEMBER 11, 2008
I reached Ansal's Plaza well ahead of time and seated myself in the Mc Donald's which is stationed in one corner of the mall.I was not interested in giving company to the love struck couples cozying in the amphitheatre of the mall.I didn't bother to call him to enquire about her where abouts as I was sure that she will not manage to come on time.She had a habit of making people wait for long hours.she would then apologise with an expression that made even the most resilient soul forgive her. I wish she could get over this habit of hers but alas,this girl never showed any signs of improvement.I could imagine her fiance's dilemma and I could sympathize with him.
I ordered a Paneer salsa wrap and cold coffee and went up to one of the corner tables in the restaurant. Cold coffee was my perfect idea of a beverage even in winters.
My taste in food was uncommon and a typical. I loved to experiment with my food. That is how I am,I think uncanny and rather mysterious. I preferred my food without onions and maybe that is why I was making an effort to dig deep into the wrap and remove the humongous piece of onion that was giving me an unsettling feeling in the stomach.
I did not know why I agreed to accompany in her shopping trip across the city. I wanted to be boxed in a room where in I could think about you and you only,with no one to indulge in an unnecessary intrusion.
It was disturbing me but deep inside there was this beautiful unspoken feeling blooming inside me like the young flowering buds of the spring itide.Was it love? It was too early to reach to conclusions.
I suddenly felt this urge to write something. And this something pointed towards you and this comely feeling that was encompassing my mind. I wanted to weave my feelings into words entwined with love and tenderness.
I searched helplessly for a piece of paper. I had a habit of always carrying a pen with me but I was sure I would never be lucky with the writing material I was searching for.
I ordered a Paneer salsa wrap and cold coffee and went up to one of the corner tables in the restaurant. Cold coffee was my perfect idea of a beverage even in winters.
My taste in food was uncommon and a typical. I loved to experiment with my food. That is how I am,I think uncanny and rather mysterious. I preferred my food without onions and maybe that is why I was making an effort to dig deep into the wrap and remove the humongous piece of onion that was giving me an unsettling feeling in the stomach.
I did not know why I agreed to accompany in her shopping trip across the city. I wanted to be boxed in a room where in I could think about you and you only,with no one to indulge in an unnecessary intrusion.
It was disturbing me but deep inside there was this beautiful unspoken feeling blooming inside me like the young flowering buds of the spring itide.Was it love? It was too early to reach to conclusions.
I suddenly felt this urge to write something. And this something pointed towards you and this comely feeling that was encompassing my mind. I wanted to weave my feelings into words entwined with love and tenderness.
I searched helplessly for a piece of paper. I had a habit of always carrying a pen with me but I was sure I would never be lucky with the writing material I was searching for.
My eyes fell on the tissue papers lying near my food. One of them was annoyingly stained orangish red.I decided to use it as my wiping material.After wiping my hands off the ketchup I decided to settle for the other two tissue papers and use them as my writing material.
I started off with three lines and tried to give it the formation and body of a poem.
I had heard of Haiku which is a Japanese form of poetry written in 17 words comprising of 5,7,5 syllables arranged in three lines. It is written about nature and seasons.
And thus my first Haiku love poem was born. It spoke of the graceful and elegant flower that was blooming in wish fulness.Perhaps I was feeling like a flower enwrapped in ineffable feelings of tenderness and love.
Tags: Love
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